What To Do When You And Your Manager Disagree On Your Performance

Nov 26

Performance review season can be stressful enough on its own, but what happens when you sit down, open your review, and realize your manager’s perception of your work is completely different from your own?

In this episode of The Glass Sessions, we unpack how to navigate that sinking feeling when feedback feels misaligned. We break down how to approach your self-review to prevent these disconnects before they happen, how to use tools like AI to process tough feedback objectively, and why the ability to "storytell" your achievements is one of the most underrated skills for career growth.

Actionable Tips & Takeaways

**Master Your Narrative Before the Review**

Build a "Feel-Good Folder": Don't wait until review season to hunt for evidence of your success. Keep a digital space where you store wins, thank-you notes, and proud moments throughout the year.
Document the "How," not just the "What": When preparing your self-review, use specific examples from your folder to showcase your point of view. Whether it was resolving a team rift or turning a difficult conversation into a stronger relationship, these stories are powerful evidence to present in reviews.
Write down the facts: Imposter syndrome and defensive feelings thrive when we treat emotions as truth. Before your review, write down exactly what you achieved (the facts) versus how you feel about your performance to ensure you are grounding your narrative in reality.

Navigate the Disagreement in Real-Time

Get curious, not defensive: Disagreeing with your manager often triggers a defensive response, but try to view the friction as feedback. Instead of shutting down, ask questions to get clarity on where their perspective is coming from.
Ask for specific examples: If the feedback feels vague, ask for concrete instances of the behavior they are describing. This shifts the conversation from subjective opinions to objective problem-solving.
Don't try to "take the emotion out of it": We are human, and it is rarely possible to be completely unemotional about our work. If you feel your emotions escalating, it is okay to ask for time to process the information and schedule a follow-up discussion.
Investigate your triggers: If a specific piece of feedback stings, explore why. Is it hitting on a insecurity or "imposter syndrome" trigger, such as a fear of being "found out"?. Identifying the root cause can help you respond more clearly.

Move to Resolution and Shared Ground

Share your perspective directly: Once you have processed the feedback, explain your point of view using the specific examples you prepared. Be direct - beating around the bush often leads to further misunderstanding.
Focus on the issue, not the person: Ensure the conversation stays centered on solving the performance gap or communication breakdown, rather than assigning blame or attacking character.
Signal the shift: If you and your manager are stuck in a cycle of disagreement, it might be time to signal a shift to a more structured process or involve a third party (like HR or a skip-level) to help reach a resolution.

Tips for Managers

Lead Through the Discomfort

Normalize the friction: Set the expectation early that it is okay for you and your direct report to disagree. Say things like, "It’s okay for us to see this differently; let's figure out why".
Get curious before you react: If an employee challenges your rating, your instinct might be to protect your decision. Instead, ask, "Can you tell me more about where that perspective is coming from?" to understand their reality.
Model accountability: If you missed a win or lacked visibility into a project they are proud of, own it. A simple "I missed that, I'm sorry" demonstrates humility and builds trust.
Document wins in real-time: Don't rely on memory for reviews. Add moments where your team members handled conflict well or hit a milestone to your own folder so you have a balanced view of their year.

A disagreement on performance doesn't have to be a career-ender. It can actually be a catalyst for clarity. By using data, mastering your own narrative, and staying open to the "grain of truth" in the feedback, you can turn a tough conversation into a roadmap for your next promotion.